You and I

This is exactly where you would’ve wanted me to be.

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I open the door to my suite, put my suitcases on the floor and the first thing i do is going to the balcony of and looking outside at the beautiful mountains in front of me. The breathtaking view brings back memories and flashbacks of when we would meet under the bridge in the middle of the night and you would tell me that someday you’ll take me away from everybody else, somewhere between the mountains where nobody would find us and nothing would stop us from finally being with each other.

Amongst all the memories flooding into my mind, only one stands out. Its the one where you bent down on your knee in the middle of the crowd and asked me to marry you. I had never been happier my entire life. That day you took me to a restaurant and I remember you telling me that i looked beautiful with that smile on my face that i couldn’t wipe off no matter how hard I tried. I remember making plans with you about our wedding that night and i remember you mentioning that you would take me to this beautiful place in the middle of the mountains and you’d make sure that i have the time of my life. I asked you where it was but you told me it would be a surprise. I don’t remember much about what happened after that. All i can think of is the horrible screeching of the tyres from the car behind us and the loud thud of metal hitting with metal that has been seared to the back of my mind for so long. I remember waking up to my parents crying and the doctors telling me i got lucky but you didn’t. The rest of my memory from that whole month has been blurred but even after 3 whole years, everything still reminds me of you and as i stand here on this balcony looking at these mountains, I’m sure this is exactly where you would’ve wanted me to be.

Moon 7/7

In a rusty old house somewhere lives an 80 year old man. He sits in his balcony with his aching body cursing himself for not being able to make himself go back to his bed and sleep. He knows exactly why he doesn’t want to back inside. Its his 56th wedding anniversary and for the first time in his 56 years of marriage, his wife is not here to celebrate it with him. He is missing her tonight, a little more than he usually does because each year they used to find an unusual way to celebrate this day but this is the first year he’s spending this day alone. He closes his eyes and ina matter of seconds, his whole life flashes by before his eyes. He has spent almost 80 years in this world but it feels like his whole life passed by in less than 80 seconds. From school to college to university to eventually getting married to his highschool sweetheart and having 2 beautiful daughters to the death of his wife, his life passed by in a blur. He never thought this day would come when he would be sitting in his wife’s favourite spot all alone on their wedding anniversary hoping he could go back in time and live every moment of his life once again. He remembers how she always joked about dying first and he always told her how much he hated hearing that. But tonight he is laughing sardonically at the same cruel joke wondering how it could become reality so easily and so soon. He wishes that he could have died when his wife did but he knows perfectly well that he’ll have to wait for a long time before its his turn to go. So he looks at the sky and finds himself staring at the moon like his wife always did whenever he found her sitting in the balcony all alone. He would always accompany her and gaze at the moon trying to understand what his wife found so intriguing about it. And thats exactly what he does tonight. He keeps staring at the moon trying to imagine why his wife was so fond of it and waits till he can finally meet her and persuade her into telling him the mystery behind her fondness of the moon.

Moon-6/7

“He doesn’t have to be a man, he just has to be human.”

A man runs in the middle of the night with no destination in mind. But what is it that he’s running away from?Responsibilities? Rents? Family? Home? Maybe all of them. He’s out of breath when he comes across a park and sits on a bench deciding to take some rest. As his breathing becomes normal he starts looking around to see if anybody is around. Unsurprisingly, nobody is. He closes his eyes and takes deep breaths to calm himself down and when he opens them up he finds his gaze averting towards the moon hiding behind the clouds. His mind starts wandering toward all of his problems. He has to pay the rents. He has to send his children to school. He has to buy medicines for his sick wife but he doesn’t have enough money. He doesn’t even have enough money to buy new clothes for his son who keeps complaining about his ripped shirts and old shoes. He’s helpless once again. He wishes he could go back to being a teenager again when money wasn’t a  problem. He’d buy whatever he wanted and his father never refused to pay for anything. He never thought he’d be fussing over money problems when he got older. He resists the urge to light up a cigarette and smoke his sorrows away and covers his face with his hands instead pressing his fingers againdt his temples. He can feel tears trying to escape his eyes and he doesn’t hold them in this time because he knows nobody’s around to watch  him being helpless at thid time of the night. He knows that at this moment, nobody will tell him that men are not supposed to cry. That men are supposed to be strong. That men don’t show emotions. He knows that here on this bench at this hour, he doesn’t have to be a man, he just has to be a human. So he lets the tears out and cries like he’s been holding it all in forever and he’s finally found an escape. He knows crying won’t solve anything but atleast it will calm him enough to let him go back to his home without anybody noticing his absence and sleep peacefully until the moon dissappears from the sky replaced by the sun and he has to wake up worrying about the same problems again

Moon-5/7

Somewhere under the sky, a boy stands at the edge of the roof daring himself to take another step and end his life. Daring himself to end this torture once and for all. Daring himself to stop being a coward and just leave this world so everybody including himself will finally be at peace. He picks up his foot ready to finally give it all up when his gaze falls on the moon and he stops midway and takes a step back as if he’s finally woken up from his daze. His eyes are wide open as he takes in everything that led him to this point. He got made fun of by everyone at school for the birthmark on his face once again. He came home and got into a fight with his father once again and he made his mother cry by taking it all on her once again. He wonders if he’ll break her heart or if deep down she’ll be relieved that she has one less problem to deal with everyday. He wonders if his alcoholic father would feel bad for him or if he’d be happy that he has one less stomach to feed now. He wonders if his younger brothers will miss him or if they’ll be too excited to finally get seperate rooms to remember the fact their brother is gone. He wonders if his classmates would regret making fun of him or if they’ll just be satisfied that they do not have to see his face again. He wonders if he should stop wondering about the consequences and just do what his heart’s been telling him to do for so long. And that’s exactly what he’s about to do but stops midway once again and takes a takes a step back.

He’s been doing this for so long that its almost a routine now. “Not today” he whispers to him as he sits down and stares at the moon and all the beautiful stars almost regretting his decision but still smiling over the fact that he survived yet another night.

Moon-4/7

55bVEzGVnzY_Full.jpgShe escapes from her house in the middle of the night. She knows she’s not allowed to meet him but that has never stopped her before. She misses him so much. Its been so long since she last met him. She speed walks past the houses slightly covering her face with her pale hands, scared that somebody from the neighbors might recognize her. As she’s walking, her mind flashes back to all the times she would sit with him on the grass and look at the stars and the moon and he would tuck her hair behind her ear and tell her how beautiful she looked and she would smile and tell him she wished she could run away with him. She had always dreamt of them getting married one day and starting a family. She could never picture herself marrying anybody else no matter how much her mother pressured her into it. She still remembers when she told her that he wasn’t just a friend. Her mother forbade her from talking to him anymore as he was “bad influence” even though she had always liked him when she thought he was just her daughter’s friend.

A gush of wind stops her train of thoughts as she shivers from cold and stops on a familiar street to put the flowers she was holding on the ground so she can adjust her jacket properly, given by him on her birthday. She knows he loves it when she wears it. She picks up the flowers from the ground and starts walking towards her destination. The wind keeps blowing her hair towards her face almost making her wish she had put it into a ponytail but she knows he liked it better when it reached her shoulders. Once he even joked about how she resembles snow white with her pale skin and her short jet-black hair. She smiles at the bittersweet memory as she finally enters the graveyard. It doesn’t take her long to reach him as she has already memorized her way through the graveyard to where she always finds him.

“Long time huh?” She says, smilingly mirthlessly as she puts his favorite flowers on his grave and sits beside it knowing she’s going to be here until the moon above her head stops shining and bids her good bye.

Moon-3/7

xDAe9Urp7fs_FullIn another neighbourhood, a 5 year-old girl lays still and tries to breathe, scared of the monsters living underneath her bed. A tear cascades down her cheek as she hears a dog barking outside and gets chills down her spine. She wishes she could be in the comfort of her mother’s embrace but she knows its not going to happen, at least not anytime soon. Her mind flashes back to the last time she saw her mother, sleeping soundly in a hospital bed with stitches all over her face and wires attached to her pale body. She remembers being confused and asking her father why she wasn’t waking up. She doesn’t remember her father’s reply but what she does remember is seeing tears in his eyes for the first time in her life. She vaguely remembers being sent to live with her cousins the next day and coming back to her mother being gone “to the moon” according to what her father told her that night. She wonders why her mother didn’t even say goodbye to her before she left. She wonders if it was because she hadn’t eaten her vegetables when her mother had asked her to. Her mother might have been very upset with her because she wasn’t being a good daughter and maybe that’s why she left without saying even a word. She looks at the moon and wonders if her mother has reached there safely. She wonders if she’s made any friends there, simultaneously hoping that she hasn’t because she fears that she might love  them so much that she forgets about her and never comes back. She gazes at the moon peeking through her window one last time through teary eyes and a fearful smile plastered on her face as she prays silently in her heart and closes her eyes whispering goodnight to her mother and to the moon and falls into a deep dreamless slumber.

Moon-2/7

TwZb_z0Cf88_Full.jpgTwo blocks away from the park, a man peeks at the moon with a lost expression on his face, tears brimming up in his eyes as he sits on the ground and looks back at his 5-year old daughter who is now hugging a doll and crying which makes him want to leave everything else and stay with his family even though he really can’t. He tells her to take care of her mother while he’s gone with an unsteady voice which sounds unfamiliar to him as he’s never felt this weak before. She nods and asks him to promise that he’ll return soon and he does although he’s not so sure if he will be able to fulfill his promise this time. But he can only hope that he will be lucky one more time or that his daughter wouldn’t hate him if he fails to keep a promise for the first and undoubtedly the last time in his life. He doesn’t want this blissful moment to end so soon. He wants to prolong it for as long as he can but he knows he can’t stay any longer so he tries to put a smile on his face and look brave for his daughter who is too young to understand any of this. With is mind in an overdrive with all the depressing thoughts and dreadful possibilities, he stands up and hugs his worried looking wife taking in her rosy scent hoping he doesn’t forget it while he’s gone and kisses his teery-eyed daughter goodbye. He then sits in his car wiping away the stray tear that escapes his eyes as he looks at his family longingly for one last time waving a shaky goodbye before he puts his car into ignition and starts following the moon hoping that someday he’ll come back to his home following the same shining beauty that lives in the sky.